Leaving for a bit...maybeThe past couple of weeks has been absolute hell for me.
Manips & DA: I've had below zero muse. Every time I open Photoshop and try and finish one of my many half-done files, I end up banging the desk in frustration and being literally on the verge of tears. When I try to start something from scratch, its even worse. And the guilt I feel when I give up eats away at me constantly, because there are so many of you out there that I owe gifts to and just can't come up with right now. And I've had some of you waiting for like, what, two months now?
Real life: My relationship with one of my best friends is breaking down. Sometimes we act like the best buddies I'd always thought of us as being. Sometimes he acts like I don't exist. Today on the bus was one of those moments, and its sending me over the edge. I tell myself I shouldn't care, that I'm just being silly and selfish. But you know what? It feels like shit to be ignored when your supposed friend is off chatting with everybody but you. Whats worse is that he's the friend that you've always been there for, the friend that has confided in you about who he likes when you like him. Its pretty messed up.
I have course selections for Year 11. I had a career's session the other day and was asked, "What do you want to do with your life?" And frankly, I have no idea. I felt like an idiot, just sitting there, silent, not having a clue what to say. I'll probably end up with no future, just as my parents tell me day after day. What does it matter anyway?
Now: Right now I feel like a complete and utter failure. I can't do anything right, school is a nightmare, and I just want to crawl into a hole and not come out. Or if someone would just notice me for a change. See who I am, and look past what I show everyone else. Nobody ever does though.
I may take a break from da, not that it makes of a difference. I hate my art, there's nothing new I can possibly put up, its a ridiculous feeling. DA won't let me change my mood box, but trust me, right now I'm feeling everything but joyful right now.
Joy
Devious Comments
I can't really say much that would help with your friend, but I sure hope you two sort things out together.
Even if it doesn't matter that much to anyone, a ton of people love you here, and if you need to take a break you will be sorely missed. Of course no-one can make decisions for you, but I'll just say that if you leave DA, I'll eagerly await the day I can talk to you again.
Stay strong, we love you.
moo. xoxo
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What are you doing in my Nabootique?
In your what, pal?
Sometimes we do need to jump back in reality and take a break from here. I had to and when I came back, it was all somewhat better.
Take as long as you need to hun! ^_^ We will be here for you when you return!
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you really shouldn't have said that
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Sometimes, you need a break. Maybe not as long of a break as I took, but if you take a week off and come back on, you'll be surprised how good you feel.
About your friend, I know EXACTLY how you feel.
When I came back to Canada [Jeez, Lissie. NO MORE STORIES!] someone who I had briefly gone to school with 2 years before, was going to the highschool that I was going to. I talked to her and she was just dumbstruck that I was back..
I think about a week after, there was a conversationg going on about gay and lesbian relationships in society. I opened my mouth and said that "I have no problem with whatever they're doing, as long as I'm not forced into it. They're members of society too and, I think, should to be included." Well, she didn't agree.
It's now July. I said that in.. April. We haven't spoken once, not for lack of trying on my part.
Have I mentioned she's arab? Arabs can hold a grudge until the end of freaking time. So, WHY Is she not speaking to me? For my own personal opinion. Thats pretty low.
Honey, you're not a failure at all. Anyone who tells you that you're not going anywhere in life really isn't helping. You are one of the best artists and people I know. When someone was stealing my art, who did I go to? I'm pretty sure I went to you and Jen, 'cause I was sure you would know what to do. You're a great person, Alais and you can do whatever you want in life. Don't let people decide for you. And hey.. if you don't know, you know... my uncle is 19, and he has no idea what he wants to do yet. And hes already in university! You can figure it out along the way. You don't have to mbe one of those who knows their calling by age 6. Take some breathing time. I'm sure half your grade has no idea what they want to do!
So, If you decide to take a break, remember you'll be all of us behind you and we'll be here for you when you get back.
If you decide to read all this, Bravo on you!
Now, Lissie out! *puts on sunglasses and struts off*.
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There are no better artists, only those who are more experienced.
Imagine That
Surreal Studios
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"Our Heavenly Father does not throw us away just because we are less than perfect or because we have problems or face challenges. He watches over us and even brings others into our lives to help us when we are in need. ~Author Unknown~
The thing with my friend is that it happens not once, but over and over. Today he acted like none of that ever happened, talked to me as cheerfully as anything. And when I tried to ask him what was wrong yesterday, he acted like he had no clue what I'm talking about. As though its just me being well...me.
I guess I'll probably be away for a week or so, let myself breathe for a change. Not that it'd be much use since its the holidays anyway. Perhaps I'll just be lurking around faving other people's work like usual. I just don't know.
I'm always looking forward to chatting with you on msn whenever you're free - I can't imagine not having a chance to talk to you.
I'm just considering what to do with myself right now, in terms of da and real life. But I doubt I could ever bring myself to leave for real. I love this place too much.
I like, never go on msn though, but if it was for you I'd do it, because come on, who wouldn't want to talk to you?
And, on a last - short - note, I agree with everything Lissie had to say. You know what? We should start and alais fanclub!
*runs of to lissie with 'i support awesome alais' flag*
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What are you doing in my Nabootique?
In your what, pal?
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