-c. the pursuit of happyness

clearly it’s much easier to see the
imperfections in life than it is to admit to myself
that half the time it’s my fault; and you
know better than most how the easy is
tempting.

i want to think of you and feel
happiness surge through me. i want
to be able to see your smile in
my mind, and know i'm smiling too.

i liked to picture the two of us together in a
silver photo frame, but somehow all I could see was
you gliding away on that little cloud of
h a p p i n e s s
and my little bundle of ashes

let's laugh on winter mornings. i want
to watch my breath fly free, just so bliss
can seem lucid. please,
and not an illusion.

i used to love watching you through
fogged-up glass, in the reflections of
mirrors and off gleaming silverware because
you know, in enclosed spaces your sparkle
was just a little too much

i wish i were beautiful - beautiful
like you. i want your eyes to burn when you stare
at me. i want you to look away, still
stunned by the grace you can't stand
to see.

that would make me happy. but
if you had your way
happiness would cost just a little
too much.